Why High Standards are Crushing You

As a keynote speaker specializing in leadership, I often hear high-achievers talk about their "high standards." These standards are seen as the golden rule of success, the benchmark for sustained performance. After all, isn’t the whole idea of high standards central to the message of any leadership keynote? We’re told to strive for more, achieve more, and set the bar higher with every step.

For years, I believed this myself. I thought that "high standards" were a necessary ingredient in the recipe for sustained performance and achievement. It felt like the secret formula for pushing boundaries and reaching new heights. But here’s the truth about high standards that rarely gets covered in keynote speaking events or leadership talks: sometimes, those high standards can crush you.

Here’s a recipe I used to believe in for high performance:

• 1 cup of clarity
• 3 cups of mindset
• ½ cup of accountability
• 2 tbsp of courage
• 8 oz of energy
• And 5 heaping scoops of high standards

Throw that in at 350 degrees for an hour, and BOOM. You have the perfect mix for achievement—or so I thought.

But here’s the thing about those high standards that most people overlook: they’re often just perfectionism in disguise.

The Trap of High Standards

In my years as a leadership speaker, I’ve come across countless people who equate high standards with personal worth and self-respect. But we often say we have high standards only to find it’s never enough:

• We achieve a goal, but it doesn’t feel satisfying.
• We work hard, but it’s rare to feel proud of our efforts.
• We reach a milestone, yet happiness seems out of reach.

Why? Because the feeling of satisfaction, pride, or happiness becomes conditional upon flawless performance. And flawless performance isn’t realistic, so high standards often set us up for feelings of inadequacy. It creates a moving target that we’ll never quite reach, and as a result, our sense of self-worth is always hanging in the balance.

In leadership keynote after leadership keynote, I see this pattern emerge. Perfectionism isn’t about doing your best; it’s about thinking your best isn’t good enough. High standards make it hard to accept your progress as valid, and they turn achievement into a frustrating game of “almost, but not quite.”

The Downside of ‘Always Another Level’

As a leadership speaker, I know there’s immense value in pushing yourself, striving for improvement, and reaching new levels. But this “striving for more” mindset, while beneficial in moderation, can also be toxic when paired solely with high standards. The problem is that without balance, it leaves us feeling perpetually behind. There’s always another level we feel we should be reaching, and we end up chasing an elusive state of perfection instead of celebrating how far we’ve come.

The Missing Ingredient: Acknowledgement

In keynote speaking on leadership, I talk about how essential it is to pair your standards with something that grounds you: acknowledgement. When you’re constantly striving for better, you need to stop along the way and appreciate each stage of growth. This isn’t just motivational fluff; it’s the psychological shift that allows you to turn achievement into a lasting source of pride rather than a fleeting high.

Here’s what I encourage in my audiences:

1. Celebrate Wins, Big and Small: Every achievement, no matter the size, is a step forward. Take time to acknowledge each win, from minor improvements to major milestones.
2. Be Proud of Growth, Not Just Goals: Often, the growth that happens during the journey is more meaningful than the destination itself. Recognizing the ways you’ve evolved on the path is powerful.
3. Congratulate Yourself for Your Efforts: If you showed up, gave it your all, and put in the work, that alone is worth acknowledgment.

As a leadership keynote speaker, I’ve found this approach resonates deeply because it shifts the focus from perfection to progress. True success isn’t about meeting impossible standards; it’s about steady improvement and recognizing your worth along the way.

High Standards vs. Appreciation: Striking a Balance

Keeping high standards isn’t inherently wrong. They can drive us, keep us motivated, and encourage us to push limits. But we can’t let them dictate how we feel about ourselves. If we allow high standards to control our self-worth, then we’re essentially setting ourselves up for a life of dissatisfaction.

High standards need to be balanced with self-appreciation. It’s about giving yourself credit for each small step and understanding that your worth isn’t tied to flawless achievement. Remember that the world doesn’t need leaders who chase perfection; it needs leaders who inspire others through authenticity and resilience.

Be Ambitious, Be Proud, Be You

Next time you set out to achieve something big, remind yourself of this: high standards alone aren’t the formula for success. The real formula lies in combining ambition with appreciation. Push yourself, but don’t lose sight of the value in each stage of growth. True leaders aren’t perfect—they’re real, resilient, and constantly evolving.

In leadership, as in life, success is more than just hitting the highest notes. It’s about sustaining momentum, growing authentically, and celebrating the journey as much as the destination. So go ahead, set your high standards—but remember to be proud of yourself every step of the way.

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