Introduction
The most useful self-talk before a presentation uses your own name or "you" instead of "I." In controlled studies, that small switch lowered distress and improved how people performed when giving a speech.
In the minutes before a presentation to senior leaders, most people run a private commentary. Can I do this? Why do I always lose my words when the director is in the room? The commentary is almost always in the first person, and it usually sounds harsher than anything we'd say to a colleague in the same spot. Psychologist Ethan Kross and his colleagues asked a question that sounds trivial: does it matter which pronoun you use when you talk to yourself?
What the Studies Tested
In a 2014 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, "Self-Talk as a Regulatory Mechanism: How You Do It Matters," Kross and colleagues reported a series of studies on exactly this question. Participants reflected on their feelings about an upcoming stressful task using either first-person language ("I," "me") or non-first-person language (their own name, or pronouns like "you").
Two of the tasks were making a good first impression and giving a speech. In the speech study, participants had five minutes to prepare a talk on why they were qualified for their dream job, to be delivered in front of judges. In both tasks, the non-first-person group performed better according to independent raters and showed less distress. In the speech study, they also engaged in less post-event processing, the anxious replay of a talk that tends to follow it, and reported feeling less shame afterward.
Other studies in the same paper found that non-first-person language led people to see upcoming stressors as more of a challenge and less of a threat.
Why a Pronoun Makes a Difference
The mechanism is self-distancing. Referring to yourself the way you'd refer to someone else creates a small step back from the feeling, closer to the view an observer would have. From there, the situation looks more manageable.
The effect also wasn't limited to people who already felt comfortable speaking. A meta-analysis within the Kross paper found that none of the findings depended on how socially anxious participants were to begin with.
Two related studies help explain why the technique is so practical. In 2017, Jason Moser and colleagues reported in Scientific Reports that third-person self-talk helps people regulate emotion without engaging cognitive control, so it doesn't add to your mental load in the minutes before a talk. And in a 2014 study in Psychological Science, Igor Grossmann and Ethan Kross found that thinking about a problem in the third person led to wiser reasoning, including recognizing the limits of one's own knowledge and considering other perspectives.
How to Use Self-Talk Before Your Next Presentation
The studies changed pronouns while people reflected on their feelings, so the simplest way to apply them is to use your name or "you" when you check in with yourself about the talk. Instead of "Why am I so nervous about this?", ask "Why is Priya nervous about this?" The answer tends to sound like what you'd tell a friend: it matters to her, the preparation is done, and the first two minutes are the hardest. That's just an example; use whatever wording sounds natural to you.
Juan Bendana has suggested the same experiment in one of his notes: talk to yourself the way you would to a friend who's about to do something hard, and notice how different the advice sounds. The participants in the speech study did this silently, which is also the practical version in a hallway before a meeting.
Use the same language afterward. Because the speech study found less post-event processing in the non-first-person group, a short debrief in the third person, such as "What went well for Priya? What would she change?", is one way to keep the replay brief.
Where the Evidence Stops
The tasks in these studies were laboratory tasks, such as short speeches and first impressions. They show an effect under controlled stress, but the technique hasn't been tested before a real board presentation or a keynote, so treat it as a promising tool rather than a guarantee.
A pronoun switch also won't carry an unprepared talk. Self-distancing changes how you frame the moment. Preparation still does the work of knowing your material.
What Leaders and Coaches Can Do
A manager preparing someone for a big presentation can ask a question that builds the distance for them: what would you tell a colleague who was about to give this talk? That prompt takes a minute before a pitch, a client presentation or a keynote, and it may lower the threat the person feels.
It pairs well with rehearsal under realistic conditions. Distancing helps with how a person frames the moment, and rehearsal builds the skill.
Give Your People Tools for the Moments That Count
Juan Bendana's Confidence Cycle keynote equips audiences with tools to build confidence, overcome imposter syndrome and cultivate a growth mindset in the moments where it matters most, including the minute before a high-stakes talk. It fits leadership conferences and corporate events where people present upward, and sales kick-offs where reps pitch under evaluation.
Get in touch with Juan Bendana's team to plan a keynote around the moments your people find hardest.
The words you use in the minute before a talk are part of your preparation.